Today I felt ... happy?
No, indeed I felt better.
better than this past summer here, counting and self-pity.
Happy to have people around me feel "special."
and I'm damn the calories, I also gave away my quadernino, I gave my best friend, I do not know why, I do not regret five seconds later, though I knew it was right to do so, in that exact moment. And now?
A bit panicked. Today I ate without knowing you were eating.
I weighed and a couple of days I went back to 53. I feel like a failure, but ... I do not care.
I'm losing time, I'm throwing my time ...
I spent the summer alone in feeling sorry for himself for not doing anything.
I miss me that rebels against injustice, who smiled Me, the Me that he fucked and eat without worry, because you loved me you could see through the eyes of others, to me that he still had dreams, albeit small. Me one that came slowly and then suddenly gone.
I'm not saying I'm cured, I'm OK, but ... that I'm tired, tired of watching my bony knees, my wrists and tiny to see me still FAT.
For years, I feel fat, ugly, inadequate. I'm tired of make me sick. Tired of crying. Tired of hating myself every day. Tired of killing and eating eating first, then cut, not eating and then vomiting hours (that is, try it at least, I think the only thing on earth that you put two fingers in my mouth for 3 minutes and sbratta)
I just want to live, breathe, to feel loved, loved e. .. there. Existing . A bit like
Meri said, do not think, have an empty head. Do not cry every night on the toilet to swallow that piece of bread.
I'm not anorexic, never admit it, because in this whirlwind I have also thrown us, we have decided to go, at least this year, I got stuck with force and I used it as a "replacement" of what really made me sick.
But four years that I am disgusting and struggling against my body, do not take it anymore.
Girls, we're wasting time. We're chasing a dream is a nightmare, we are hiding behind ourselves, do not miss! And let
... please.
Happiness is beautiful, I've enjoyed a second and now live in fear of savor again and then be taken from me as it has always happened for years .... but you react.
must fight for that second, because otherwise we are not living, we're just slowly dying.
So why not do now? Why not kill? We are not the first to want everything right away?
I'll tell you, why is there still a glimmer of hope in us, we wait in silence for someone to notice us, but the problem is that we We are not aware of ourselves, and how they can notice the other ?
Think, really understand what the problem and face it together, because I know it's difficult, I know why I live on my skin, but nothing is impossible.
Just be strong, is not it?:)
I love you, really. Maria
_____________
This song is Povia, My sister, I dedicate to you, like I wrote it, like I'm singing, all s
My sister who trusts people with their eyes closed
love my sister more and earn more you spend
phones, broods and blames
if my sister had a child 17 years
My sister who wakes up later by his dreams and then call
, broods, she did not expect principles,
lips crème caramel in his solitude ..
My sister is crazy and eats and eats more than that is alone, then closes
pulls water into the bathroom and puts a finger down his throat,
looks like my sister and I know that What evidence
because my sister in this world is not
wants to be right wants to win she wants to be sure
because my sister is strong only when it is afraid, so call
broods
not know How long beautiful
but her face is illuminated only at night to the refrigerator
My sister speaks and does not speak a word
ride just out of spite and just to comfort the crying
my sister play in goal on a beach seems like yesterday that I
sometimes it's still a little girl with arms
but my My sister and one day I will love
after quarrel with who and who I will miss you my sister is
lalailaiala
my ... my sister and my sister is my
my sister is tired and eat and eating is more than one
then shut the bathroom and I look with my heart in my throat
my sister that I pull words and slippers
but then still want to kiss goodnight ... nananana
ViVoglioBene *, * really
The Link Lyrics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMglIv0k7fE
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